Work-Life Balance Never Worked for Me, But Work-Life Flexibility Did
I became a single mom early in my career.
And like many women navigating both ambition and responsibility, I didn’t have the luxury of choosing just one. I was a full-time mom. I worked full time. I went to grad school full time. And because I was raised deeply rooted in community and service, I also carved out time to give back—mentoring students, supporting local nonprofits, or simply being there when someone needed a hand.
At that point in my life, every decision had to center what mattered most. I had to make it work, which often meant finding ways to kill two birds with one stone. So while the concept of work-life balance sounded good in theory, in practice, it never quite held up in the reality I was living.
And it’s not to say that I don’t believe in rest or boundaries—I do. But balance implies symmetry, and my life has never moved in straight, even lines.
As a parent, when your child is sick or injured, there’s no “off switch” for caregiving. You don’t pause one part of your identity to activate another. You learn to carry them together. I’ve written full project charters and status reports from the sidelines of soccer practice, answered emails in the quiet after bedtime, and had ideas spark mid-homework session with my daughter.
I’ve always seen my life as a swinging pendulum—constantly shifting between roles, responsibilities, and rhythms. I’ve never felt balanced, exactly. What worked for me was flexibility. And it’s what allowed me to keep showing up—with grace and intention—no matter where the pendulum landed.
When Balance Doesn’t Fit
The concept of work-life balance isn’t inherently wrong—the need for rest and boundaries is essential. But the traditional model often assumes predictability and a 9-to-5 structure.
For many of us—especially caregivers—life has never moved in such neat blocks. It blurs. It overlaps. It demands presence in multiple roles at once. Whether you're raising a child, caring for a parent, or doing both while managing a career, time rarely moves in a straight line. In those moments, flexibility becomes the bridge—the only way to meet the demands of life without losing your sanity.
Real sustainability doesn’t come from rigid schedules. It comes from being able to move between responsibilities with intention and without guilt.
That’s why, at work, I include this line at the bottom of every email:
“If you get an email from me after hours, it is not because I am always on or expect an immediate response from you; it is because work flexibility is key for me. Evening and weekend emails are a sign that I prioritized other obligations during normal business hours and I am using this time to catch up.”
I can’t take credit for that excerpt—I borrowed it from another Googler, who admitted they borrowed it from someone else. (Shoutout to the quiet brilliance of shared wisdom in the workplace.)
But that line isn’t just a courtesy—it’s a statement rooted in respect.
I work when it works for me. Not to glorify hustle or grind culture, but to remain present for my family, my responsibilities, and myself.
It’s also a reminder that flexibility doesn’t look the same for everyone. For some, it means firm boundaries and traditional hours. For others, like me, it means shifting schedules to create space for caregiving or other responsibilities. I try to model what flexibility looks like for me—while always respecting what it may look like for someone else. The goal isn’t to standardize it. It’s to normalize the idea that different approaches can still lead to productivity.
Flexibility Is Not a Perk—It’s a Matter of Equity
In recent months, I’ve watched major companies roll back their remote and flexible work policies, framing it as a return to pre-COVID “normal.” But for many of us, that version of normal was never equitable to begin with. These shifts hit hardest for caregivers, parents (especially women), people with disabilities, and anyone who has long relied on flexibility—not as a luxury, but as a lifeline.
A recent 2025 McKinsey report makes this even more clear. While caregiving plays a role—McKinsey confirms the disproportionate burden women shoulder—the need for flexibility goes far beyond parenting. Women across roles and life stages report that remote and flexible arrangements improve efficiency, reduce burnout, and make sustainable careers more possible.
And it’s not just a personal need—it’s a strategic one. That same McKinsey report highlights flexibility as a business imperative: a key driver of attraction and retention. Companies that treat it as optional or superficial risk losing valuable talent to organizations that actually reflect how people want—and need—to work.
Meanwhile, many of these rollbacks are framed as a return to “culture” or “efficiency,” and justified under the guise of fairness. But if we’re serious about meeting people where they are in life, we have to admit: what’s fair for some isn’t fair for all. One-size-fits-all policies often serve those with the most privilege and the fewest constraints. The people most harmed by rigid structures are usually the ones already navigating systems that weren’t built with them in mind.
When companies reverse flexible policies, they send a clear—and callous—message about whose lives are seen as professional, and whose are not. They’re signaling that only certain types of lives and labor are worthy of support—and the rest can be overlooked or replaced.
Flexibility isn’t about working from the couch in pajamas—though, within reason, let’s normalize that, too. It’s about trust. It’s about autonomy. It’s about honoring the fact that people are managing real lives while doing real work. And it’s about building environments where both can coexist.
According to the CDC’s National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH), there are three key types of flexibility that support well-being:
Schedule flexibility – adjusting your hours
Location flexibility – working remotely or in hybrid formats
Leave flexibility – taking time off when life calls for it
And research backs it up: a 2023 study from Udayana University found that workplace flexibility significantly improves job satisfaction—especially when it’s supported by culture, not just policy (Febrianti and Sinta). Another study in Frontiers in Psychology confirms that flexibility only reduces stress when it’s embedded into leadership behavior and organizational norms (Haar and Russo).
If we’re serious about health and well-being, psychological safety, and all the other buzzwords being tossed around today, then flexibility can’t be treated as optional. It’s not a perk. It’s infrastructure. It’s how people stay well, stay engaged, and stay.
For the Ones Holding It All
If work-life balance hasn’t worked for you, it’s not a failure. It’s a reflection of a framework that was never designed for your life. And honestly, I’ve walked away from companies and roles that couldn’t—or wouldn’t—offer the flexibility I needed. I refuse to compromise my well-being to fit into systems that weren’t built with people like me in mind.
I also recognize that for many, walking away isn’t convenient—or even possible. Financial realities, limited job markets, family obligations, and healthcare dependencies can leave people feeling trapped in inequitable systems. I understand the frustration, the anxiety, and the disempowerment that can come with that.
For those who can’t easily leave, here are a few ways to protect yourself and push for change:
Understand your rights. Review your state employment laws for protections around flexibility, accommodations, and anti-discrimination.
Document the impact. Keep track of your accommodation requests and how inflexibility affects your work, health, or ability to manage responsibilities. Keep receipts!
Find allies. Connect with coworkers who share your concerns—there’s strength in numbers.
Advocate internally. Use data and a collective voice to push for change through HR or leadership channels.
Navigating these challenges can take a real toll. That’s why it’s just as important to:
Seek support. Therapy or counseling—especially outside of work-sponsored benefits—can offer space to process, heal, and rebuild your resilience.
Honor small wins. Even in limited circumstances, setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care are powerful acts of self-preservation.
And Remember…
Flexibility doesn’t mean you’re always on. It means working in ways that honor your time, protect your energy, and align with your values. Sometimes that means logging on after bedtime. Sometimes it means closing the laptop early to make it to the game. And sometimes, it means giving yourself permission to fully unplug and do absolutely nothing—without guilt.
Final Thoughts
I've always lived a version of work and life that rarely fits into neat boxes or tidy timelines. I've juggled roles, responsibilities, and expectations—holding it all together with grace. What made that possible was flexibility—the freedom to choose what mattered most, when it mattered most.
So I have two asks.
First, if you're in a position to shape culture, policy, or process—use that influence to protect flexibility. Challenge the return to outdated norms that stifle the very real, very human needs of your teams. Because when we honor the full humanity of our people, we don’t just unlock greater productivity—we build deeper trust, stronger loyalty, and a more just, compassionate workplace.
If you're a leader, model flexibility. Encourage it. Embed it into how your team operates. I’ve had leaders who claimed to value health and well-being, yet created environments that made it nearly impossible to protect either. Words without structure are meaningless.
So audit your policies through a flexibility lens. Ask yourself: Who are these really serving? Who might they be leaving behind? And more urgently—are they disproportionately impacting a particular group?
Second, wherever you sit, ask yourself: What would it look like to build a work life that works for you? One rooted not in balance, but in rhythm, rest, and respect. Then model that. Advocate for that. Normalize that. Because when we do, we create space for others to do the same.
It saddens me that we’re retreating from a post-COVID future where flexibility was finally being normalized. Now, it’s being stripped away, often without regard for who it harms most. I look forward to a day when we move beyond the false dichotomy of productivity versus humanity and embrace a more nuanced truth: people do their most brilliant work when they feel seen, respected, and trusted.
Not just work-life balance. Work-life with grace. Work-life that reflects who we really are—in all our beautiful, messy, multifaceted complexity.
With Love,
Peta-Gay
Works Cited
McKinsey & Company. “Flexible Work’s Enduring Appeal Affects Workers, Employers, and Real Estate.” McKinsey & Company, Sept. 2023, https://www.mckinsey.com/industries/real-estate/our-insights/flexible-works-enduring-appeal-affects-workers-employers-and-real-estate.
Anderson, Sydney, et al. “Work Schedule Flexibility and Work–Life Conflict: The Importance of Contextual Factors.” Frontiers in Organizational Psychology, vol. 11, 2024, doi:10.3389/forgp.2024.1271726.
Boitnott, John. “How Flexible Hours Can Create a Better Work-Life Balance.” Inc., 18 Mar. 2016, www.inc.com/john-boitnott/how-flexible-hours-can-create-a-better-work-life-balance.html.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). “Workplace Flexibility: A Critical Element of a Healthy Workplace.” NIOSH Science Blog, 11 Mar. 2022, blogs.cdc.gov/niosh-science-blog/2022/03/11/work-flexibility/.
Febrianti, Ayu, and Kadek Sinta. “Work-Life Balance Mediates Workplace Flexibility on Job Satisfaction.” International Journal of Social Science and Business, vol. 7, no. 1, 2023, pp. 78–84. doi:10.23887/ijssb.v7i1.53467.
Haar, Jarrod M., and Mauro F. Russo. “Flexible Work Arrangements and Employee Wellbeing: The Role of Organizational Culture.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 14, 2023, doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1075989.